elextrified

You have intoxicated my greatest desire with your purity, with your gentleness. You have taken down my barriers with every spoken word. Why is it that this intoxication has saved me? How can I keep living with the shadows on my eyelids as well as you stained on my fingers? Somehow, your breath has set me free. Somehow, you have intertwined your courage with my insecurity. Somehow, you have become my definition of happiness. Your intoxication has saved me.

My aspirations disintegrated before I even had a chance to touch them. My decisions are being made by those that make me happy. But this is not making me happy! Why can’t I envelop myself in the warmth of my travelling aspirations? I am pushed further from the words that I have choked on. I’m sorry I spoke, I’m sorry I tried to have a voice, I’m sorry I’m not talented enough to do anything I desire! Yes, I am constantly changing, I am constantly unpleased with myself. Can you hear my choking words this time? How can I scream without a voice? I am constantly despising myself! What is wrong with these horrendous

Do you ever aspire to be part of the clouds? I dream to float up into the sky and have a close-up of the evaporating life dwelling on the earth. I dream to go on a never-ending journey, yet there is so much fear residing in me. I aspire to be part of the countless clouds, yet I accompany so much animosity towards change. I desire to have a close-up of the evaporating life, yet I never look up. I never take a photo in time. I am treading on the earth, yet I am not truly living. I am merely engrossed by fear. I am merely dreaming.

I never admit it but I’m so thankful to play atop these keys will such delicacy, and such grace. And yet I am so neglectful. I’m sorry. I am spellbound by your chestnut-stained beauty. You grew with me. You found me. You created me. You are beyond greater than me. I am grown, still naïve. You’re always so far away from me, covered by scars and pencils and books that no longer open. I owe my life to you. You stopped me from feeling broken. I was dead and deranged. How did you keep me sane? With your sounds and your voice, playing you was not my choice. Any child would have wanted you and I didn’t. There was no

Finally. Finally, I am free. Free from taunts and captivity. But how come I still feel so confined? How come I feel that nothing I do is right? Why do I still feel so exhausted, exasperated, empty? Why am I still caught up in the past? I thought freedom was supposed to feel enlightening. I thought freedom was supposed to make happiness last.

A note, A nation. Desire, Segregation. I am sad, You are sane. Dead desire, I see rain. We grunt, We grind. A dense notion, They tried to find. But they are not any Greater than us. Though we are the detained, Our sanity we will reclaim, And our dignity will remain. We are the ignored. We are the tired. Yet we hold The world’s greatest desire, Though equality has been thrown into the fire. Why must the people Be divided by skin? Where is our freedom? Where is the aid from within? We are sad, Detained. They are supposedly sane. They have given desegregation a name. We are sad, We are tired. Though they sti

Three months and I haven't heard his lifeless words or seen his degenerated eyes. But he's got the most beautiful laugh, the most contagious smile. I found you and saw every kind of light. I hear crashing waves in the air outside. I see your face in the dark but it vanishes from sight. Your voice is like the dream I never had and your unknown secrets tear up my insides. It was all an illusion. He cannot hear me. As we separate further and further away from each other, his smile is gone. I realize three months is longer than it seems. Maybe we never really knew each other. I never found you, never saw you. I never heard your voice properly.

you cannot fix me. i cannot fix you. we are not each other's saviours. you never were and never will be mine alone. but i will never stop reminiscing that there we were. there we were on October 15th, thinking we had it all. there we were, electric, smiling, unfazed, happy. we were each other's redemption. you were mine for a short period of time. i did not fix you but i stayed. you did not fix me but you tried.

You are left consumed in your thoughts, consumed by doubts. Though sometimes I feel like I'm the only one abandoned by expression, withered by emotion. Even though I know everyone has a time where all they feel is broken. If memories can keep you alive and promises are worth more than lies, then I ask you to diverge into the distance. I ask you to roam and refuse to look back at your doubts. If you, too, are consumed by your thoughts, find pleasure in little things because you are not the only one feeling abandonment. And in the future, I can hear you say that you have found a reason to live one more day.

Can't you see that is merciful love is passing us by? Can't you see that neither of us is alive? You are searching for a saviour. I am looking for an answer. Please don't plead with me, don't run past me. Wander with me. Let me hear your voice one more time. Let your sorrow cry out loud. Wherever we are, I promise I will find the only way out.